Jiminy Christmas, F#$k That!

It's time for another installment of Jiminy Christmas, f#$k that! This is the segment where I take a look at something that's just really making me mad. Today, we have two culprits.

[Photo via People]

That's right, man eater Tyra Banks and master impregnatologist Levi Johnston faced off today on "The Tyra Banks Show." While somehow avoiding to ask Levi how much he loved her, her show, or the American Next Top Model Franchise, she couldn't help but keep her hands off him.

But being the real journalist Tyra is, it wasn't all fun and games. Tyra managed to ask some serious questions and get some serious answers.

On the subject of safe sex, something close to Tyra's heart, no doubt, Levi had this to say:

Man Eater: I have a personal question. But you're on my "Tyra Couch, so there are no personal questions. [Creepy]
Levi: Alright.
Man Eater: Were you practicing safe sex?
Levi: Yeah.
[Levi responds as if he has been asked if he'd like fries with that]
Man Eater: So there were just like, wardrobe malfunctions?
[OH I get it! A reference to Miss Jackson a few years ago! Nice Tyra]
Levi: I guess.
Man Eater: Every time you practiced safe sex?
Levi: Yeah.
Man Eater: Every time?!
Levi: Yeah.
Man Eater: Levi... [That's Tyra's signature move. In trying to be coy, she scares her interviewee into submission]
Levi: Most of the time.

Oh snap! Look out Morley Safer, the Tyra train has just pulled into the station. You see how she did that? Using her unprofessional, ineffective, self taught journalism tactics, Tyra was able to get the information that...no one cares about out of poor Levi Johnston.

No one cares. Tyra Banks deserves the lime light? Jiminy Christmas, f#$k that! Listen, I get it. You're not a viable model anymore so you have to look for new ways to sustain your lifestyle. Can't you just do a clothing line or get a singing career like everyone else. Although, I'm glad TB hasn't ventured into acting (see why).

And you Levi! You think people care about whether you wrapped up you're Alaskan Halibut when you stuck it Bristol?! Sorry golden boy, your fifteen minutes were up long ago. So why don't you move along with Tyra. I'm sure you have a decent singing voice. Maybe you two could try out a duet? Doesn't matter.

Just stopping giving unnecessary attention to your evil-almost-mother-in-law-bitch-of-a-woman. Please.