Jiminy Opinionist: Angels and Demons

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"Fuck it." That's pretty much the attitude one has to have when going into any Dan Brown endeavor, but more on that later. The mega author (and now house hold name) responsible for both The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons has somehow managed to spawn two blockbuster films and sell millions of copies of his pulpy faux historical fiction/thriller/mystery/page-turner-for-dummies novels. Well, the numbers are in and the fat stacks of bills have been counted: Ron Howard has phoned it in yet again and collected another paycheck with Angels and Demons.

Tom Hanks. is. back. as Harvard "symbologist" Robert Langdon, though you wouldn't really know his profession from the plot of the movie. Here's where the "fuck it" theory comes into play.

Average Angels and Demons Viewer Thought Process: Yeah, I guess a Harvard symbologist is sort of like a Law & Order rock star. Fuck it.

A problematic protagonist? We can get past that. This happens a lot in the picture shows these days. But what's difficult to get past is the bad acting, countless plot twists and the exposition heavy dialogue (the worst offense). And it's not going to get better any time soon. With Brown's next novel The Lost Symbol coming out in September, it won't take more than a year for Hanks & Co to churn out the next cash vaccum in the franchise.

The only good news out of all this? A&D isn't performing too well at the box office! With an opening weekend of just $46 million, things could be a little dicey for the next film. But, chances are the film will break even and they'll just keep making these suckers. Damn.


Bottom Line: Skip it. You'll get just as much history watching reenactments on the History Channel that are actually true and better acted.

This Week in Shameless Self Promotion (TWiSSP)

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Jiminy Christmas is proud to introduce a brand spanking new feature called This Week in Shameless Self Promotion (TWiSSP). Each week I'll post some drivel about something that only benefits me and what I'm doing outside of writing this blog. Thanks for playing along!

I know, I know. I've been away from the wheel for a while over here at Jiminy Christmas. When I checked on the site today, imagine my surprise when I saw that there were no new posts! Who has been running this ship?! I figured, now that I have about forty regular readers (surely an exaggeration), this thing would sort of just go on auto pilot and I could start collecting my checks and deposit them in an off shore Cayman Islands bank account. Apparently you can't simply "phone it in" and run an award winning blog*.

Anyway, we're back. And we're introducing a new feature. With TWiSSP, I give myself a chance to let you know about what else is going on outside of Jiminy Christmas. Recently, I've been helping out over at Eater, a fantastic NY Foodie blog. I've written a couple of posts (links below), taken plenty of photos, scoured the web for stories that other people can write about and gone to a few fancy press events. If you're at all interested, check out my posts and if you're not, at least check out eater and the other (more capable) people that run the site.

Eater Stories:

-More Neighborhood Angst for Former Isabella's Oven Space

-Good News/Bad News: Anella


NOTES:
*awards pending

"Motherlover"

If you didn't catch the new Digital Short on this weeks SNL, it's a doozy. It's called "Motherlover" and it's the newest JT/Samberg mashup that takes place five months after "Dick in a Box." I wasn't a huge dick in a box fan, but I'm glad to report that this new track is hilarious and the video is seriously priceless, especially with the Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson cameos.

It's been a busy week, more real posts to come soon. Until then, stew on this:

Jiminy Christmas Has Swine Flu!

BREAKING NEWS:

This just in. My blog has N1H1, also known as the swine flu! Run for the hills! Or just another website...

Apparently my pig readership (and that is my best demographic) is up in arms about some of the comments I made in a post about the swine flu a few days ago. Well, they've clearly taken action.



This is directly from my google ads bar on the side of my blog (which you are totally free to visit and check out). As you can see, not only are people capitalizing off the fear of N1H1 by selling silly masks, but apparently, the only ads my page will display are related to the piggish pandemic.

First, the flu is a baby killer, and now it takes on my poor, innocent blog. If anything, this proves that these pigs aren't too smart--there are certainly other blogs that have far more readership than I do. I'm fairly certain that you can't catch the flu from just reading this page, but I'd buy one of those masks just in case.

I'll certainly keep a close watch on this story and keep you updated. Until then, express your sympathies and good thoughts in the comments section.